Heart Transplant

If someone had asked me ten years ago to break my life into eras, it would probably look something like this:

Childhood
Teenager
College
Adult
Married
Kids
Retirement

Six years ago, it would have been a little more simple:

Childhood/Teen
Adult
Married
Kids
Retirement

Now, my focus has shifted so much that my life can be broken into two very distinct eras:

Before Adoption
After Adoption

You see, our adoption of Annie has changed my life, my heart so dramatically that I am a totally different person than I was almost three years ago.   It wasn't just the act of adopting a child, nor the loads of paperwork, background checks, etc.  It was the work God did in my heart...almost like I got a heart transplant.

Being raised in a Christian home, I never knew or believed anything but God.  I accepted Christ at a young age and went to church, Bible study, etc. to learn more about Him, but I wasn't seeing the big picture.  I was too focused on myself and how God was going to bless my life and give me my heart's desires.

I waited (forever!) for Him to send me the husband I'd been dreaming of and thought surely because I had to wait so long for my husband, having kids would be no problem.

Then, infertility happened.  And it crushed my soul.

If you know me well, you already know the story of how I said I was ready to adopt, but wasn't really...and how the Lord changed my heart in the months leading up to our match with Annie's birth mom and her arrival.  But, since then...even since Annie's birth, I've been given an almost indescribable understanding of God's sovereignty.  His plan.

I'm finally beginning to truly understand that life is not about me, my happiness or the blessings God is waiting to give me.  Don't get me wrong-I know the Lord blesses His children and mine are too numerous to count, but ultimately, I exist to bring God glory through my actions (which, let me tell ya-I fail at often), my words (again...I fail often) and my response to the trials that are set before me.

I mean, how much glory would I have given God if I'd just had a baby the "normal" way?  I would have been grateful, yes, but would I have told every person I encountered our story?  Probably not.

Through my infertility, I discovered that God's "Plan A" for our family was adoption.  And despite my stubborn vow not to give Him any credit for it, I can not stop talking about it!  I can't get over how He had all of this worked out LONG before I ever wanted children.  How He brought the lives and circumstances of so many people together at just the right time to bring Annie to the family He created for her while giving me a heart transplant at the same time!

Adoption didn't just make me a mother.  It changed everything about me.

~M