Open Adoption

When we first began the adoption process, I was surprised at how much the topic of Open Adoption came up in our paperwork, the seminars we attended and among our new friends who had created or expanded their families through adoption.  It was encouraged and highly recommended by our agency, those who had adopted and even some people who were adopted.  It seemed like the new "healthy" thing to do for the sake of the child and birth mother's emotions.

When my husband was adopted more than four decades ago, Open Adoption definitely was not the norm.  Rob's parents never met his birth mom (or birth father, for that matter) and to this day, all we have is the name she used on Rob's birth certificate, which we found out later could have been a fake name.  Apparently, back then, many birth mothers didn't put their real names on the birth certificates.

With my aversion to adoption in the first place, you can imagine my thoughts on having an open relationship with the birth mother of our child.  There was no way.  Nope.  I was not about to become BFFs with the woman who carried our child in her womb.  What if she wanted him/her back?  What if she tried to tell us how to raise our child?  What if she was weird?  Plus, wouldn't it be awkward?  I couldn't believe that people actually did this!  

Well, as God changed my heart and mind about adoption, He also changed my heart about Open Adoption...and I'm so thankful He did!  I can not imagine our lives without Annie's birth mother!  

Most of my fears were completely unfounded.  "T" has never indicated that she wants to take Annie from us.  In fact, she never stops telling us how happy she is that Annie is with us.  She has never once told us how to raise Annie (by the way, open adoption and co-parenting are two completely different things).  "T" is anything but weird.  She is the most beautiful, strongest, wise-beyond-her-years young woman I have ever met!  Now, I will admit that the relationship was awkward at first, but how could it not be when you're suddenly in a very intimate relationship with someone you just met?  Just like any relationship, it takes time to grow and get comfortable.  Every time we see "T", it feels more normal.  

More than anything, though, I am SO glad that Annie will grow up knowing who "T" is.  When she has questions about her birth family, we have someone to ask.  When she wants to talk to her birth mother, she can.    She'll be able to see where she got her beautiful tan skin and her dark hair.  Most importantly, Annie will see first-hand how much "T" loves her.

Is Open Adoption good in every situation?  No.  But, I am grateful that the Lord opened my eyes and my heart to it.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

~M