Mother's Day

This is a big weekend at our house...my first Mother's Day!

Wow. Every time I think about it, I get teary-eyed, which is not all that uncommon for a sap like me. I just can't get over how the Lord has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever asked for.

I also keep thinking back to a year ago, when I was struggling to simply get out of bed every day, get ready and go to work. In fact, Mother's Day is when the weight of my inability to have a child came down on me...unexpectedly, I might add.

The thought that I was childless and struggling to become a mother wasn't even at the top of my mind when I got up and got ready for church that day. I had even volunteered to be one of the helpers to hand out Mother's Day chocolates to ladies as they exited worship. Stupid, I know, but I honestly had never had issues on Mother's Day before.

I made it through worship without any problem and went on to Sunday School knowing I'd have to leave early to help hand out chocolates after the 10:45 service. Then, it hit me. I started listening to all of the sweet things my friends had gotten or their children had done for them and it made me realize that I was the only one among them who didn't have a child. I tried my best to hold in my emotions, but once I left Sunday School to go hand out chocolates, I lost it. I was able to pull myself together in time to do my assigned duty, but I was a wreck for the rest of the day. How could I have been so stupid? How could I not know that a day celebrating mothers would set me off? I have had several friends who have struggled with fertility tell me they avoid church on Mother's Day, which would have been the smart thing to do last year, but the thought never entered my mind.

At the time, all I could think about was that I didn't have a child...couldn't have a child. Little did I know that my child was already alive and growing in T's tummy. God's plan for our family was already in action...and it would be my last Mother's Day without a child. That just blows my mind, especially when I consider that it would be seven months before we even knew about her.

Annie and I had lunch with T yesterday. It was her birthday and a chance for us to give her a Mother's Day card and present. I was so happy to see that she's doing well and that she still seems at peace with her decision.

This Sunday, T will be on my mind and in my heart. Without her brave and selfless decison (one that will likely make this day difficult for her every year), I wouldn't be celebrating my first Mother's Day with the most perfect gift I've ever been given.

What a difference a year makes! God is SO good!

~M